yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize