i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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