You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
