Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
