eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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