I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
