I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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