Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
