I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
