i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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