i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
