Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
