one might say we're banned from that church
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
