Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
