Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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