I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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