shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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