Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
