I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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