But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
