She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
