apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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