Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's blow job season.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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