Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
