You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
