I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pants are for mortals
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
