Did you just see the Batmobile???
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
