Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
