Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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