Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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