I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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