Need sex. Gaining weight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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