i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
