I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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