It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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