Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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