My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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