By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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