Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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