I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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