he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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