Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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