well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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