its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
