hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
