OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
