Tell her she can't have a vagina
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
