you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
tell me about the eggs
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