You can't special order awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
