Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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