Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
