i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
