If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
