If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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