The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
