My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
false alarm. still invincible.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
