I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
