You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was like eating out sand paper
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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