Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
